All You Need is Love

Our culture wants every parent to believe that children need perfect parents who endlessly entertain their children and protect them from all struggles.  Parents have absorbed this view of parenthood and stress that they are failing their children if they cannot provide the "ideal" life for them.  But, fortunately, the truth is that when it comes to parenting, as John Lennon said, “All you need is love.”

I was reminded the other day while reading, “Welcome to Your Child’s Brain”, about the good enough parent.  This idea of the good enough parent started with D.W. Winicott’s theory of the good enough mother.  As a child psychoanalyst, Winicott observed many mothers interacting with their babies.  He found that none of the mothers were perfect and still were doing a great job raising their children.  All of the children were securely attached to their mothers.  The mothers responded lovingly to their children, but also took breaks when they were burnt out.

Trying to be a “perfect” parent creates an unhealthy environment for children.  These children never learn about disappointment, failure or loss since their parents are always trying to protect them from it.  Being able to handle disappointment and failure are necessary skills for real life.  So when you want to save your child from the frustration of solving a puzzle or you worry that you should play with your child instead of sitting and taking a break, step back and take a deep breath.  You will save your sanity which will make you a great parent!